Surrender to Now

“You must let go,” they tell me
”I have,” I say, showing them my empty hands
“No, you’re still holding on,” they inform me
“Clutching with your mind at the future you have planned”

I stare at them in disbelief
“Are you saying I have to let go with my mind?’
“Yes,” they reply, “you have to trust
What would you be leaving behind?”

My mind screams, “this is a trick!
An illusion that will spell the end of everything we know!”
But the idea has caught my imagination
As I contemplate the thought of letting go

No more trying to plan my life in detail
No more worrying what the future may hold
Believing that whatever will be will be for the best
Surrendering my instinctive urge to control

Deaf to the wailing of my mind
I try their suggestion tentatively
With effort I manage to completely let go
And to the present surrender utterly

Delighted with myself I beam at them
“Thank you for teaching this to me!
I was so anxious about what was going to happen
Now that is unnecessary!”

They smile and applaud my courage
In been willing to try something so new
“But it won’t always be so easy,” they caution me
“At times this will be even harder to do”

The light on my face dims a little
“But what do you mean?” I cry
“It wasn’t easy this time around!
Why would it be harder next time?”

“You’re breaking old habits,” they tell me
“And so you will often find
When you’re not consciously watching for it
You’ll revert to trying to control with your mind

“But remember any semblance of control is an illusion
The only time you ever have is the present
The future is itself only a now that is still to occur
You’ll never find it if you’re constantly looking for it”

The reality hits home hard
I stare at them in growing horror
“So in order to surrender my illusions of control
I must repeat this process forever?”

“No, it truly won’t be forever,” they assure me
“But initially, yes, it won’t be easy
Eventually you will find a new habit will form
Until then however, you’ll have to work at it constantly”

Their teaching now done they turn to go
“But surely you have more to tell me?”
“All the answers you need are inside of you
Trust and find everything you’ve ever dreamed”

Then as I watch, they begin to fade from sight
While their philosophy whirls around my brain
“Can this be for real?” I whisper to myself
“From trying to control can I refrain?”

“I think it’s a fallacy” my mind retorts
But yet, but yet, I feel differently
I will try this surrendering-thing I decide
For I have nothing to lose truly

“Death,” my mind tries one last time
Although it must know by now it is pointless
“If you don’t intend to plan for tomorrow
How can you possibly be a success?”

“Tomorrow never comes,” I respond
“And all I’m doing currently is missing out on now
I want to begin to appreciate the present
Why shouldn’t I give this a go?”

And then gradually as I continue to practise
This strange new way of being
My mind starts to quiet and I no longer find
In my head future scenarios playing

As I persevere in focusing firmly upon the now
I discover unexpectedly
An increased connection with all things
And an increased connection within me

In the now I see more detail
So many things that enhance my life
I really hear when I listen
I really see when I open my eyes

My creativity soars
To my fears and anxieties I say goodbye
“Isn’t this wonderful?” I ask my mind one day
“I told you so,” comes the reply

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