Pilgrim

Why’d it take me so long
To finally understand
That I would never find what I was looking for
In the outside world?

To realise that no matter
What or whom I found
I was always going to end up
Unsatisfied?

This restless yearning desire
To find more meaning in life
That never could be quenched
Despite how I tried

And try I truly did!
With various addictions
Constantly keeping me busy
Running from myself

I thought that if I was focused
On something outside of me
I would be able to drown out that inner voice
Screaming dissatisfaction

And for a brief time I succeeded
But you can only ignore the truth for so long
And increasingly I found
That it refused to stay quiet

And finally I reached the stage
That even I could not ignore
That my life as it was at that point
Had no meaning

“Surely there’s more than this?
Don’t I have a purpose, a destiny?
Isn’t there some reason that I’m here?
Some meaning to my existence?”

Those were the questions I began to ask
And gradually I did find
That the life I was living at the time
Was not what I wanted for me

So I made some changes
Gave myself more freedom
The chance to take the time
To ask the important questions

I still don’t have all the answers
And likely I never will
But now I am happy where I am
For the first time in years

The feeling of dissatisfaction is gone
Though my restlessness remains
And my questioning continues
As I journey along

I do wish to be with someone someday
But they will need to understand
That I need freedom to grow and change
As I suspect they will too

But until I find that person
Who will help me become all I can be
I choose to remain a pilgrim
Questioning and restless, but free

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