I really don’t want to make this phone call
I’m so worried about what they might say
Who would’ve thought when I talked to them in January
That it would end up this way?
I keep trying to tell myself
That if it’s meant to be it will work out
But that’s not making me feel much better
Sitting here currently filled with doubt
It’s an 0800 number
I could call them now, get it over with
But that would involve asking the questions
And maybe hearing answers I don’t want them to give
Worst-case scenario would be
I have to do it all over again
If that is so how does that help me?
I can no longer pretend
I’ve had breakfast and cleaned up
Re-read over all my poetry
I’m running out of delay tactics
God, what is the answer going to be?
I thought I’d conquered fear
But it seems I was wrong
I contemplate having to register again
And all my courage is gone
What did I say in January?
When I never wanted to practice again?
Surely I didn’t ask to be de-registered?
What a situation that would be to mend!
Surely I wouldn’t do something so extreme?
No matter my mental state at the time
Surely I wouldn’t do something so stupid?
Even if I’d really lost my mind?
People at the time warned me
“Be very careful of saying ‘never’”
And oh they were so much wiser than me
And knew so very much better
If my life is to go as I believe it is
Then something is going to work out here
I just need to stop being a coward
Face the music and my fear
So I’m going to make this phone call
And find out what the story is for me
All I can say is please wish me luck!
But I guess what will be, will be