Self Saboteur?

Why do I go to such lengths,
To seemingly keep people away?
To sabotage my appearance
So near me they won’t stay?

Now that my skin is clearing
I find I’m overeating again
Why am I doing this to myself?
Why am I so scared of men?

After all the trouble I’ve gone to
To remain slender in the past
Restricted my eating, vomited
Though those patterns couldn’t last

I’m not proud of what I’ve done
Though I am proud that I’ve recovered
So why would I revert now?
Sneaking biscuits out of the cupboard?

Why am I scared to be beautiful?
To be attractive to other people?
Why do I keep trying to sabotage myself?
I don’t need to be so fearful!

Yes in the past people have hurt me
Controlled me and taken my power
But I have boundaries in place now
That is not going to happen any longer!

I have to trust myself
Believe that I can take care of me
This trembling girl so frightened of others
I no longer choose to be

I choose to be attractive
Yes I choose to be beautiful!
No more self-saboteurial behaviour!
I’m going to eat more lentils!

I’m going to exercise regularly
But not obsessively, healthily
And eat a balanced diet
No more overeating for me!

I choose to overcome my fear
No one will ever take my power again
My boundaries will make sure of that
Protect me from controlling men

No longer need I use
My appearance defensively
It’s time to stop self-sabotaging
And allow myself to be beautiful me

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