Shying Away

I couldn’t understand
Why when I dreamed of my future
You would always appear in some way

I don’t even know you at all
So it truly makes no sense
Why in my daydreams you always seem to have a say

Today I finally realised
Why it is this happens
Why you keep appearing when I imagine what is to be

It’s not to do with you at all
Of course it never was
It is purely to do with me

For some reason it seems
Subconsciously I don’t like
To focus upon myself solely

So when I visualise my future
Though initially I am the main focus
I am distracted from that very easily

I have found it is too easy
While I am dreaming away
To consider how others might think and feel

The irony is
If I can’t maintain my focus
Then my dreams are very unlikely to become real

Rather than spending
Precious time thinking about you
I need to give my dreams my complete attention

What is it I can see?
What is it I can feel?
I need to focus on every sensation

If I can imagine it clearly enough
Make myself believe I’m there
Then the chances of it becoming real are high

But if I keep imagining you
So I stop focusing on me
Then if I’m not careful my dreams could die

It is just an evasion I know
A shying away
Me once more being dishonest with myself

But why is it I do this?
What does it achieve?
This constant focusing on someone else?

You don’t need my energy
You have your own
This is not even really about you at all

It’s another form of self-sabotage
Another lesson to learn
More inner knowledge I had to recall

If my focus is always on others
Always outside of me
Then I cannot see myself accurately

And I can never transform
Become the person I wish to be
If I cannot see what is clearly

So no more shying away
No more lying to myself
There is no other way it can be

Now that I have learnt the truth
I can no longer pretend
It is time to focus solely upon me

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