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Reading (A Song of Ice and Fire)

Unable to put down the book
Lost helplessly in the story
Other priorities swept away

What happens next is all that matters
Eagerly flicking to the next page then the next
Caught up in the narrative, the characters, their lives

I knew it was dangerous to start this series
That’s why for so long I resisted
But eventually my defences crumbled

And I’ve read myself to a headache
And a deep sense of fatigue
Not enough sleep, not enough done, not enough life

Promises kept to myself broken
In the eagerness to continue on the journey
In the wonder of escaping from the mundane

Not eating well
Haven’t walked the dog
Can I stop myself buying the next one?

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When One Door Closes

I get the impression I’m slightly out of sync
With my cosmic life plan
I’m been told to have patience with regards to my poetry
The time for it is not yet now

And the trick is to keep believing in it
And in myself too
That this disappointment
Is not because of a lack of quality

But merely because the Cosmos
Has something better in store for me
Which I can’t currently see
For it’s not quite the right time

When doors are closing in your face
And things aren’t working out quite as you’d like
It’s easy to become disillusioned
It’s easy to stop believing

But if we focus so much on that one door
When a window opens we’ll never see it
Let alone climb through said window
When the time is right

The Cosmos knows what it’s doing
If it’s not working there’s a reason for it
It’s either not the right time
Or maybe even not meant to be

These doors will be closing for a reason
And it’s not anything personal about me
It’s just the Cosmos wishes to deliver something even better to me
Regarding this situation

So in time my dreams may yet come true
But it looks like that’s not going to be now
So I’ll give it a rest, though of course keep writing
And patiently wait for the Cosmos to agree it’s time

Discouragement

It was easier in the early days
Everything was new and exciting
I was determined not to let this beat me
I was determined to get there no matter what

I actually asked to have a harder course!
So sure of my inner strength was I
So sure of my ability to surmount the odds

But it’s in the day to day it wears you down
The ongoing grind of daily life
Head down, one foot in front of the other
It’s easy to become discouraged

But every time I become so
Something else happens in my life
A spark of encouragement that keeps prodding me on

Sometimes I feel like the donkey
With the rider on his back holding the carrot in front
And so I am gradually led on
One plodding hoof after another

And recently I had an amazing thing happen
A betrayal that was heartbreaking but had its own silver lining
For in response I had so many gather around me and hold me to their hearts

And I realised I’m not alone
And I have never been alone
And the times I feel most alone
Those are the times I am least

So this donkey will keep plodding onwards
Following the carrot forever more
Though it’s not the destination that truly matters

No it’s not about the carrot
It never ever has been
It’s about the learning, the growing, the journey

So welcome along for the ride discouragement
Carrots are no longer required
My heart is the compass leading me onwards now
And the journey is whatever I may choose to write

You Know Who You Are

Whenever I doubt myself
Think I am less than I am
I hear a little voice say:
“You know who you are”

If I feel anxious about the future
Wonder where I am going
Still the voice reassures me:
“You know who you are”

But who am I little voice?
What am I meant to do?
Sometimes it seems I’ve lost my way
And can’t find it again

But whenever I am full of doubt
Whenever I feel blue
It helps to have that little voice say:
“You know who you are”

For we all know who we are really
If we listen to the voice within
We all have a purpose here
We all have a destiny

None of us are here by accident
There’s a role for all of us to play
At this critical time of change
Affecting all of the human race

So it’s time we stopped pretending to be
So much less than we really are
It’s time we stopped worrying
About whether we’re enough

So I’m going to let go and trust
That everything is according to plan
For as that little voice keeps reminding me
I know who I am

Synchronicity

We all need grace in our life
We all long for communication with the divine
But all that’s required is to open our eyes
For the divine’s communicating all the time

Those coincidences that aren’t quite
That have a special meaning for you or me
Are all a personal message from the Cosmos
Unique to us you see

My birth year at the end
Of one of my good friend’s cellphone
That person in the right place at the right time
All remind us we’re not alone

The perfect book to cross your path
Showing you what the next step needs to be
A conversation in life or on the radio
Which just happens to give you the key

Synchronicity: when seemingly unrelated events
Occur together in a meaningful way
It’s a form of divine communication with you
The Cosmos having its say

But like all magic in this world
If you try to control it, it disappears
You can only be open to receiving, completely surrendered
Totally alert and aware

And try not to read too much into it
If the meaning isn’t obvious, let it be
If it’s meant to come to you in time it will
Otherwise it mightn’t’ve been true synchronicity

The closer you are to leading
A truly authentic life
The more synchronicity appears to lead you onwards
And for you ‘coincidences’ become rife

But if things are going too fast
You can always choose to slow them down
There is true magic in stillness and silence
Though in this world they do not abound

At times in my recent past
I have confused psychosis with true synchronicity
Reading too much into random occurrences
Believing they had messages for me

But when you are grounded in your body
And not desperately searching for meaning
That’s when if you’re open to them
True synchronicities might start occurring

But if after reading this
You start to look around for them
You’ll find synchronicities notoriously shy
Indeed you have as much chance of finding them

As you have of capturing the sun
After all none of us are Maui from Māori mythology
You have to allow them to find you
On this you’ll just have to believe

The more I continue on this path
The more I learn you gain nothing from controlling
Or from force; better to be gentle, gentle
And then you’ll find the door slowly opening

Responding to your gentle energy
Your wish to live in harmony
And then one day when you’re not even looking
You’ll find your life filled with synchronicity

Hurry Up and Wait

In any form of acting
Whether for show, film, or tv
One theme occurs quite consistently
Hurry up and wait

It was the case in ‘Buddy’
The same on Wednesday too
A rush to get there then hours to kill
Hurry up and wait

Hours in hair and makeup
Await extras on some film sets
Then all ready they await the call
Hurry up and wait

Film is different from what I thought
So much time involved sitting still
Watching and waiting for your moment to come
Hurry up and wait

But fascinating, fun, a whole different medium
And I know the people so it’s far from boring
But how would it be for real life extras?
Hurry up and wait

Although we’re stardust we are not yet ‘stars’
Not in the Hollywood way that is
Much to learn still from watching others
So, hurry up and wait

Trust the Cosmos

How do I know I’m on the right path?
From the feeling deep inside
The smile I just can’t keep to myself
And that I no longer try to hide

Where do I go to next?
A question I’m trying not to ask
Because I know the Cosmos has my back
Though I can’t currently see the path

I can’t quite see the big picture
Though I have hopes about what might yet be
How I may apply the skills learned thus far
Crafting the perfect career for me

I know I need to trust the Cosmos
Have faith that though I don’t know the future
All will work out for my highest good
Of this I can be sure

It’s time to stop worrying and fretting
Time to stop trying to control
Anxiety only creates tension
And that is not my goal

I know there will be funds enough
I know I will be happier than I dreamed I could be
I know I will learn to serve the Divine
In complete humility

I know I will not starve
That’s not on the cards for me
I now need to just trust the Cosmos
And allow what will be to be